July 15, 2010
I need to start doing what I love. What makes me happy? Well, according to the moral compass of my graphic designer at work, your values directly correlate with what makes you grin. Which led me to the logical thought process of, what are my values? And am I even unhappy in the first place? I mean I love myself, that’s not the issue, but recently I’ve been wrestling.
Is this stemming from my hiatus from writing? Or the face that I haven’t taken a French art and fashion class lately… actually, I haven’t done anything remotely semi-cultural lately. Cultural does not equal margs at Gloria’s.
But why don’t I just naturally seek out projects which make those fun endorphins? I used to. I guess in March I did. But now, I’m finding myself forcing myself into happiness projects. G’nosh, photography classes, a used sewing machine, fostering a crippled little Murray, hopeful future Mykonos trips and requesting Winspear season tickets.
I don’t seek out happy projects anymore because I’ve been sideswiped. Not sidetracked. Sideswiped. It’s more hardcore.
K
Filed under kristen, life
Tags: love, happy, graphic designer, correlate, endorphins, march, g'nosh, sewing, photography, murray, mykonos, winspear, opera, projects, sideswiped
March 24, 2010
I’m so much happier with a rain I can walk in.
I don’t know if that says anything about me… but I love the rains that I know are coming. I can see from miles away and they transport smoothly over the sky in a suggestive and well-timed manner. Walkable rains don’t surprise you like a jack in the box. They seduce you.
After they’ve convinced you that they are the best rain of all time? They cleanse you with an aroma and ever so tantalizing drops. Raindrops are not random, they are predetermined by something/one because each raindrop feels meaningful in the middle of a storm.
The best part of the best rain? The smell. Smelling an incoming downpour is better than a 70 minute massage at the Bellagio. Believe me.
I feel renewed.
K
Filed under kristen, life
Tags: rain, emotions, seductive, tantalizing, jack in the box, walk, predetermined, downpour, bellagio, massage, renewed
March 15, 2010
I made this with my own two hands. Minus the boys hoisting it up three flights of stairs… This discounted Salvation Army purchase has taken up my last two nights. Forgoing writing for awhile in the pursuit of a freaking fabulous, time consuming, fixation solving hobby. Need to be distracted from the fact that the boy is in a different time zone except weekends.
Will perhaps take up writing again in the near future, but up next? Painting the dining room table tomato red.
K
Filed under hobbies, kitchen, kristen, life
Tags: dining room table, dresser drawers, fixation, flight of stairs, future, hobby, salvation army, time consuming, time zone, tomato red, two hands
February 18, 2010
“God could only do this for me,” is my recollection during my awesome blessed moments here on a balcony drinking champagne with my Chanel sunglasses on. I’ve thanked my parents for raising me, but did they ever know I was destined for pure glamour at the ripe age of 24? Maybe they hoped that for me. Maybe they dreamt it. But now it’s a reality. I feel like I’m something and it’s because of my parents and God. Well and maybe something inside me? Leaning away from a narcissistic tone during this post as I personally believe this entire blog is inherently self-centered. I mean its kristenkouk.com. If you don’t want to read about Kristen Kouk then you’re probably in the wrong place [and no I’m not trying to enhance SEO].
This post was written to give credit to those who raised me right. This gratefulness began after a Mardi Gras party at Fair Park with tons of underage cleavage being revealed and the realization that my parents loved me hitting me smack in the face with plastic beads.
But today? On this jaw-dropping patio? I cannot express the gratitude I feel for the people who literally pushed me to success at times. The mother that cried with me when I lost the big part in the senior musical and subsequently emptied her bank account for my dose of retail therapy… The father that spent the rest of his airline miles to rescue his stranded daughter sleeping in a Hawaiian airport… I would give anything to have those people here opening this bottle of champagne with me as they are the ones who deserve it. They are my everything.
K
Filed under events, kristen, life
Tags: champagne, chanel sunglasses, glamour, god, grateful, Hawaiian airport, incredulous, mardi gras, mom and dad, narcissistic, parents, seo
February 17, 2010
Off to Mexico in the morning… leaving on a jet plane stuff and leaving for awhile.
After Bob’s [dad's] pep talk which included the word “hellaciously” I’ve determined that I was designed to do this job. Bob gives the best pre-event speeches… he missed his calling as a motivational speaker for highly stressed, young professionals in a demanding business climate. He recommended that if anyone should come to me with a difficult question I should immediately direct them to the pool bar. Thanks, pops!
In all seriousness, this is gonna be tough. I’m worried about a lot of things. Some of which are reasonable, i.e. Scout losing weight in boarding, my lack of composure in emails/calls back to the boy due to stress and my ability to problem solve flying out the window at the first hint of crisis. Unreasonable? A tsunami. Wrinkle marks and grey hair. My apartment blowing up…
K
Filed under events, kristen, life
Tags: scout, cancun, stress, hellacious, dad, work, young professionals, mexico, business climate, composure, the boy, tsunami, crisis
February 9, 2010
That’s what I’ve been calling him when referring him to friends and coworkers. The guy behind the BBQ counter on Preston just called him my boyfriend, but I think the boy describes him much more appropriately.
This weekend I’m driving across the state of Texas to be with him. Yes, it’s Valentine’s but I’m trekking more so because it’s President’s Day. Forget the commercial holiday that has me smitten with monogramming gifts for two seconds and let’s focus on the fact that I’ll be smack dab in the middle of nowhere for approximately 72 hours.
Plans for this socially driven, hyper conversationalist this weekend?
Tour the underground nuclear bomb bunker of an elementary school, cook dinner during sunsets in the RV park and never even think about touching one of our combined four phones to read a work email.
It may not sound seductive, romantic or even fun… but it sounds like heaven on earth to me. [DID I REALLY JUST TYPE THAT?!?! BLECH. Put a fork in me.]
K
Filed under dating, events, kristen, life
Tags: texas, boy, bbq, coworkers, valentine's day, president's day, monogramming, middle of nowhere, abo elementary school, artesia new mexico, artesia, rv park, work email, seductive, romantic, heaven on earth
January 20, 2010
“Men and mascara always run,” sings Julie Roberts.
She’s one of my guilty pleasure artists. Ya know the band/singer that you resort to on your long days? Your two bottles of wine friend? She’s mine. Along with the Randy Rogers Band, Brandon Rhyder and some other smaller Texas country artists.
She has a point ya know? Men tend to be the heart breakers… that’s why I believed Up In The Air to be such a refreshing plot. *Spoiler Alert* The woman turns out to be the scumbag.
Let’s get back to the music.
WHY IS IT SO DANG THERAPEUTIC?
Were we programed to enjoy melodies? Why does the right song heal the heart? Some of the latter artists have reversed the poles on my tiny and inconsequential emotional world. They make me optimistic, encouraged, reminiscent, joyful…
I adore them, yet, I understand that the connection I have with their songs [pieces of art] are completely personal. No one will ever feel the same as I do when I hear this song. It’s my security blanket.
K
Filed under dating, kristen, life, memories, music
Tags: wine, up in the air, julie roberts, randy rogers, brandon rhyder, spoiler alert, texas country, therapeutic, melodies, personal connection, security blanket, this time around, men and mascara
January 18, 2010
Which is a fantastic movie btdub, but not the reason for the title of this post. I usually try and entice my single digit readers with my titles, but this time… I’m just feeling like a lot of things are figuratively up in the air.
2010 has started somewhat hesitantly. I’m entering a new thingy [silly boy], I’ve endured some soul searching [why am I really on this earth type of ish] and I’ve started to think about what lies ahead for me [the unknown].
Will I adopt a Haitian baby? Will I become a hermit, move to the desert and write loquacious novellas on the aspect of altruism and the idea of love? Will I get engaged, married, knocked up and mortgaged? Will I move to Scotland, start a dog ranch and die of beer poisoning? Will I have a nervous breakdown trying to figure this all out? Most likely.
My life is most definitely headed in a certain direction. But for now? I have less of a clue than you do what direction that may be. I should be enjoying the idea of endless possibilities… one shot at this life, yet I am seeking the ability to savor the ride.
K
Filed under kristen, life
Tags: 2010, desert, up in the air, movie, soul searching, future, haitian baby, novellas, altruism, life, enjoy the ride, loquacious, scotland, dog ranch, beer
January 16, 2010
I was completely honest, open and communicative tonight. Of course I stumbled on ummms and attempted a subject change multiple times, but I overall conveyed the message very clearly. The unexpected conclusion? I’m not perfect. Which, in all honesty, I didn’t know it was that simple to sum up.
You see, I’ve been drifting the past couple of months considering my issues to be unrepairable, dire and just overly dramatic. However, the whole ‘damaged goods’ syndrome has come to an end tonight and that’s something to celebrate. A milestone.
I just told him. It was that simple. Nothing exploded, no one screamed. It was a normal, healthy discussion regarding relationships and how we both, in our own ways, dealt with them. I, of course, explained my neccessary independence and he explained that he actually… get this… ‘loves that’ about me… WHAT?!?!? Yes, for a millisecond I actually shut up and took in the dumbfoundedness. There is a guy [not just any guy, I actually kinda really like this one] that loves what I deem to be my flaws and failures.
It’s concurrently frightening, disgusting and incredible. It’s frightening that I’ve never encountered this scenario and disgusting in that it took so long for me to find it… yet, absolutely, jaw droppingly incredible that a human being could view me as perfectly flawed.
I’m listening to love songs again.
K
Filed under dating, kristen, music
Tags: communication, damaged goods, dating, flaws, honesty, love songs, milestone, music, perfectly flawed, relationships
January 3, 2010
Who is he? Oh, just my fantasy idealization of the perfect man. NBD.
I’ve never met him. Never will. Unless he Google Alerts himself like I do… I mean I have my name Google Alerted, not his. That would be stalkerish [read: smart].
He is this season’s star of The Bachelor. Almost a decade old, this show keeps my love cynicism at bay every Monday night. For about two hours I believe I could possibly have a prince charming, a soul mate, a peas and carrots. [On a sidenote: I bet I could stick a Forrest Gump reference in every post if I tried, but I won't cause that's just not in mah box oh choco-lets.]
I might have blogging ADD.
So, Jake. He is perfect. Even his imperfections are perfect and since I’m now dating, [dating and daunting look too much a like] I decided to make my list.
Gentlemen. What’s a list? Ask your girlfriend and watch her squirm when she realizes you may not qualify… We all make them. They’re prereqs for love. As in, I won’t date you unless you have a newer car and hate cats.
My list? Ambitious, passionate, genuine, a true gentleman, yet a manly man. Loves football, hates cats and is head over heels in like with me. Oh and I want to date someone tall!
See? I’m not picky… and you totally thought I was going to tangent off on my real checklist, HA!
“All a girl really wants is for one guy to prove to her that they are not all the same.” – Marilyn Monroe
K
Filed under dating, kristen
Tags: forrest gump, dating, perfect man, idealization, nbd, the bachelor, jake pavelka, love cynicism, google alerts, love, hates cats, tangent, checklist, true gentleman, manly man, cowboy, marilyn monroe, monroe quote
